The Helper

                                                     This was me in 2013, 22 years old, single, and innocent.

God saw it was not good for the man to be alone, so He made him an Ezer. The word Ezer in Greek can be translated as a helper or the savior. It is not similar to what we understood as the servant or a subordinate to the husband but an Ezer is a complement to the husband. From the Biblical perspective, the helper may not be contributing so much as the labor force to the household but the helper soothes a man's soul when he is chafed from day-long labor in the field. In other words, men are supposed to labor more than women while the women provide moral support and help manage the house when men are away. Thus, it was mentioned in Proverbs that wise women built up the household, and the wise one encourages when he swayed away from his purpose or his Creator. The helper played such an important role that they almost determine how successful their men going to be. For Ezer is made for men and men born of women. In an interview with Michelle Obama, when asked have she felt threatened by her husband's success, she answered confidently, without her, he won't be in the office. 

Today, the secular worldview has shielded us from seeing and living as we ought to. Throughout the street, women rally for gender equality, and many are seen protesting against anti-abortion laws, and dress codes in public for example "free the nipples campaign" in 2012, etc. These people are fighting against the social stigma of how women ought to be. They wanted to have sex as much as men do, with as many as men possible, and get an abortion whenever they wanted. From the perspective of gender equality, it doesn't sound anywhere wrong but from the pro-life perspective, it doesn't sound anywhere right too. Recently, the global recognition of LGBT freedom has further advocated the so-called female freedom and the same group of people is largely responsible for the 38 million active HIV cases worldwide.

One bright side of these struggles is that women have increasingly contributed to the global GDP and economic growth shoulder to shoulder with men since the late 19th century. In many countries, women made up a large fraction of professionals and high-paid positions, as contrasted to human history where women are mainly housewives. While it's good for social-economic development, many women started to become prideful and started to despise men who are yet to catch up. With stronger finances, women became more independent than ever in history. However, many have started to lose interest in growing a family or in bearing children. It is simply because it was tough work physically and mentally and few are willing to give up their comfort zone and freedom sponsored by their newly found financial stronghold. Surprisingly, upon labor, it is also common that more and more women would rather choose to spend time with themselves in the confinement center than with the babies, which should be their source of happiness. Later, many are reluctant to take care of their own children and would request a babysitter or live-in maid even though they may not be working in the office. In this new world, babies came by accidents from unprotected sex and are seen as a burden rather than a blessing from the Creator. 

While keeping gender equality as a cliche, not many women are ready to give up on the "ladies first" tradition. In the movie Titanic, if gender equality is applied correctly, Jack could be the one who stays on the shipwreck debris and Rose in the water. In reality, most women wanted to be pampered. Their reason was equally contradicting, which is they are women and women ought to be pampered. Some women do not mind trading their bodies for materialism with significantly older men as long as their needs are taken care of. Also, in a conventional marriage, men are increasingly active in doing the house chores and cooking when their wives never step into the kitchen. A situation where both husband-wife are working but men are laboring in the kitchen may be strange to the 70s but it is a lot more common among the millennials. I knew men who cooked and did the cleanup alone and spent the rest of the evening massaging and spa-ing their wives in exchange for occasional sex. To the secular world, this may be called love but to many, this is no more than business. The relationship may be as worse as parasitism what the husband contributes does not meet what he received in return.

21st-century women are expected to tame their men to their knees, or else they would be considered losers. Men are expected to spoil their wives or else they are not gentlemen. Sadly, these phenomena are more common and almost expected among Christians than in the Muslim community where obedience is still seen as a virtue. To many Christian women today, obedience is a synonym for slavery. I knew women who stopped their husbands from attending church and bible study so that they have spare time to watch their babies. They do not think that attending church and worshiping together as a family is necessary. Some do not even mind marrying a non-believer who goes against their beliefs. Considering the strength of a Christian is from God, there is no way to justify that those who are not interested in matters of God so believe in Him in the first place. 

So what Bible says about a good woman or what is the standard of a good woman? 

Proverbs 31:10-31

"10 A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. 11 Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it.12 Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long. 13 She shops around for the best yarns and cottons, and enjoys knitting and sewing. 14 She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises. 15 She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day. 16 She looks over a field and buys it, then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden. 17 First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started. 18 She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day. 19 She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking. 20 She's quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor. 21 She doesn't worry about her family when it snows; their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear. 22 She makes her own clothing, and dresses in colorful linens and silks. 23 Her husband is greatly respected when he deliberates with the city fathers. 24 She designs gowns and sells them, brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops. 25 Her clothes are well-made and elegant, and she always faces tomorrow with a smile. 26 When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly. 27 She keeps an eye on everyone in her household, and keeps them all busy and productive. 28 Her children respect and bless her; her husband joins in with words of praise: 29 "Many women have done wonderful things, but you've outclassed them all!" 30 Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God. 31 Give her everything she deserves! Festoon her life with praises!"

These may sound like some old-fashioned mumbling to many modern women. However, the paragraph boiled down to a few crucial points which are essential to marriage, which is to respect, and honor your husband and be willing to sacrifice for the family. On countless occasions, the Bible mentioned how husband and wife should mutually submit to each other, submit their bodies and soul in a godly way to each other. Today, many couples suffered from sexless marriage as both claims to be exhausted from work and people rather choose sex toys than real people. 

Still, the root problem is a matter of submission, peoples naturally care more about themselves than others. I knew a woman who divorced her husband due to her abhorrence of sex as she thinks it was unhygienic and a waste of time. She did not realize that she has tempted her husband to have an affair with other women to quench his unfulfilled desires. In the Bible, we were taught to not turn down our spouse for intimacy for we are responsible for each other sexual needs. The unquenching needs if left unattended leads to unsatisfactory marriage and give way to countless temptations. So, woman, you're supposed to be your husband's salvation, not the temptation.

It's hard to win an argument with women, but recently Johnny Depp did it. His court case with Amber Heard echoes the unheard voice of many men. However, how Amber Heard behaves at home, and how she treated Johnny was not unusual today. Many men were bullied, verbally and physically abused at home, and yet left ignored when they asked for help. It was due to the social stigma that men are the source of family abuse instead of the other way around. While you think these only happen in newspapers, I have come across women who physically abuse their spouses and often ended with a bloody fistfight.

Though most of the problems I mentioned above were female-related, men were equally responsible for a happy marriage. Upon married, men are responsible to guide their wives in a godly way but not compromising their bad habits just to avoid conflict. In the Old Testament, Job's wife, Dinah, asked Job to curse God because of their suffering. However, Job condemned her "You speak as any foolish woman would speak. Shall we receive the good at the hand of God, and not receive the bad"? This is what every man should do upon receiving ill advice may it be from their wives. For women, it is their responsibility to play Ezer than create a disastrous marriage that God forbids.

Till then.